The problem isn’t that we don’t know how not to get punched in the face. The problem is that, at some point, likely a long time ago, we got punched in face, and instead of punching back, we decided we deserved it. The fact that we could not equalize means that there must be something inherently inferior about us, and/or something inherently superior about the person who hit us.
Life kicks you around a little bit, and you feel powerless to stop it. Therefore, your Feeling Brain (sub-conscious brain) concludes that you must deserve it. We don’t fight back. We accept the things the way they are. We tend to believe that we deserve many events in our lives even though we inherently feel that we deserve much better things.
Of course, the reverse moral gap must be true as well. If we’re given a bunch of stuff without earning it (participation trophies and grade inflation and gold medals for coming in ninth place), we (falsely) come to believe ourselves inherently superior to what we actually are. We therefore develop a deluded version of high self-worth, or, as it’s more commonly known, being a mean person and a bully.
Without developing a clear vision of the future we desire, of the values we want to adopt, of the identities we want to shed or step into—we are forever doomed to repeat the failures of our past pain.
The stories of our past define our identity. The stories of our future define our hopes. And our ability to step into those narratives and live them, to make them reality, is what gives our lives meaning.
**Excerpts form book “The Subtle Art of Not giving a F**k”.
*Do read the Disclaimer