It does not need much of a mental strength and effort to do difficult things and have self-discipline when everything is going fine. Our will power and determination will be tested when we are having hard times.
It is on the days when you are physically or emotionally beaten down that determines whether you are a quitter or a doer based on our actions. We are defined by our choices and decisions we make on daily basis. It is the days when you absolutely want to quit and do nothing defines our strength and resilience.
When I started to transform my lifestyle with a proper exercising routine and improved diet, my body received a shock and was in an adjustment mode for 2 to 3 months. This is also partly due to my inexperienced exercise pattern and imbalanced diet. I was still learning a lot of stuff by reading articles and watching expert videos on how and why to do certain things. So the first few months are about me gaining knowledge and putting it to practical use in my daily routine. It was a process of figuring out what suits my body. But it was a slow and tedious process which consumed a lot of my mental and physical energy. And along with the work at office, my energy and focus used to get drained by evening. Resting is a luxury for me when I return home as I have a small kid who is hyper active and demands my time with him till late at night. This involves playing with him, sometimes feeding him food, carrying him around our block etc. This results in insufficient resting and recovery time. We all know how it feels like when we are mentally and physically exhausted and did not rest get enough rest to recover – we simply do not wish to wake up in the morning and our brain forces us using all kinds of reasons to take rest. The alarm sounds like the most disgusting noise and putting our feet on the floor would be a mental torture.
Now what happens to us and what kind of story we tell ourselves during these kind of circumstances would define our path and progress in life. Our brain most obviously wants to save our energy and wants to avoid any kind of discomfort or pain or struggle or extra effort.
So the most common thoughts we get during these times are like why do I have to do this, for who should I do this, will it be of any use in long run, will I be able to stick to this routine forever, will it really make any difference to my life in future, is there any benefit after all this hard work, nothing happens if I compromise once, nothing happens if I wake up late and don’t go to gym for one day, who cares if I do r not do, why should I struggle as no one is recognizing my efforts, why should I strive to be fit and healthy by exercising, eating healthy when I am not even into such kind of profession, why I am I torturing myself when I can sleep extra two hours , who cares if I eat pizza or muffin or chicken salad, why should I do this when nobody is supporting me, why should I continue when nobody is understanding what I am doing and simply discouraging me, nobody is going to appreciate my work so why should I do it, I will not be able to be consistent and do it every day for the rest of my life due to a lot of uncontrollable external factors so why to struggle and do it now, who cares if I sleep late or wake up early and nobody is appreciating my efforts. These negative self-limiting thoughts will keep popping up in our mind when we wake up early morning at 5 AM. On the top of it when we wake up early to exercise to put myself though pain and struggle, our mind gives us a tough fight to choose a safer, comfortable and easier option, that is to just hit the sack and take a nap for extra 2 hours.
These are times we need to remind ourselves of our values and our decision, the promise we made and the resolution we made, what our vision is, how we want to be and how we would like to be inspired and inspire others, how we can stick to our commitment., Our will power will be tested , our disciplined will be questioned and we must not budge down. We need to be hard on ourselves, we need to be persistent and kick ourselves out of our negative and limiting thoughts and be an inspiration to ourselves and for our loved ones.
These are the times we have to stick to the principles are we defined by. How we want to see ourselves in future, what decisions we need to take now to feel proud of ourselves later. How can we create a story worth telling to our kids and grandchildren. How can I be a role model , how can I lead by example, how can I be true to myself and keep the promises I made to myself, how can I be a hero of my own story and be a hero for my kid, how can I matter to my people, how can I create an impact that could change other’s life for good, how can I be a person who treads though pain, discomfort and struggle to be a better version of oneself every day, how can I suffer less and be a strength to others in times of turmoil, how can I be identified honesty, integrity, accountability, consistency, discipline, persistency, improving, growing, learning from mistakes , not giving up, how can I create a self-image to be proud of and others could be proud of one day.
There were many days where I want to give up or quit.
- Did I love to go to gym and follow a disciplined routine even in those days, may be not but I did it because it is the right thing to do and that is what I believed in.
- Did somebody give me any credit for putting those extra efforts to balance all areas of my life no matter what my condition was. No but I did it because this is what we need to do and must do to be happy in life now and later.
It is about making time for others, putting others in front of me and my own goals and mission. It is about bringing that smile on my family’s face at the end of the day, talking to them, laughing with them, play with my kid, how can I push myself to attend to my family’s needs and expectations despite being busy. How much can you give to your family and loved ones and how strong you want to be connected to them.
I had my own physical injuries and stress injuries to my wrists, elbows, knees, neck, shoulder, back at various stages. I believed in active recovery and had confidence that doing some kind of exercise in gym is much better then sleeping at home which is not beneficial physically or mentally after certain hours of rest. I had a strong conviction that those were the days we need to hit the workouts . It gives more pleasure and sense of achievement when we handle difficult stuff when we are down with pain. It only makes us more resilient to manage the difficulties when we are not in a prime condition.
Marriage or close relationships are one of the biggest contributors for emotional disturbance is not dealt with proper care. Marriage has its ups and downs after we are living with another person who has their own thoughts, upbringing, behaviors, values, outlook towards life, morals and own idea of what is right or wrong , what is difficult or easy and difference of opinion on lot of things in life. Of course we argue and fight for things that might look significant at that moment but seems to be trivial later. But yes we lose our nerves and control and get into fights which only transforms into a an awkward silence between two of us until we come to truce. These hostile phases in relationships takes a huge mental toll on us because we feel totally lost and do not know what to do. In these kind of situations we always look for various options to change other person’s attitude, we want to prove them wrong, we feel why don’t they understand us, why can’t they be more mature, why don’t they grow up, how can they have the gumption to say things to me that way, how dare they question me and in very rare cases we might even think whether is it worth spending any more time with this person. However, say ‘SHUT UP’ to yourself and stop these negative thoughts. Instead of controlling others and expecting others, do your best to change and strength internally so that you could deal with these kind of circumstances.
Situations like these spike up our cortisol and adrenaline levels which makes us restless, anxious, furious and messes up without rational thinking. We could lose sleep and can’t sleep properly even if we fall asleep. We wake up totally tired and exhausted.
Would we be forced to skip rituals and compromise on our discipline, sure yes and our mind forces us to give up on each and every task that takes extra effort. Our mind just want to perceive everything thing around us to be worthless and just want to save energy to keep us alive. Becoming hopeless will make us become disinterested in everything we do. We do not see any meaning in pursuing important and valuable activities which are also difficult and painful at the same time.
Do it anyways. Go to the gym and toil it out even when you are mentally drained. Go do the work necessary and complete your rituals and just remind all your values that defines your strong self-image and identity.
These are the times you must workout, eat right to compensate for all the mental stress and agitation you go thorough. Through workouts you get the necessary hormonal release like endorphins, dopamine, BDNF that relieves you from the anxiety. In most cases we tend to get into a positive and inspirational mood for us to let go of our ego and make up without loved ones. Many times you refresh your thoughts and come out of workout more positive and confident. When you are more confident and stronger you are inclined to take right decisions and more beneficial to you in the long run. You would not be bogged down by self-limiting beliefs that you become smaller by being the one to talk truce with your significant other.
Sometimes especially when kids are young at the age of 2 to 4 years they would get sick frequently. In those times the level of stress and additional effort depends on the kind of trouble they get into. Definitely we would get less sleep along with them. They would be cranky and we need to deal with it. They need special care and attention which takes extra time and effort. If takes effort even to make them take medications.
These are times we get thoughts of deviating and giving up on our disciplined daily routine. Yes, I agree that taking care of our kid is a priority. But what could you do when the baby is asleep , what could you do early in the morning, what could you do during the day in those minor gaps of time you have for yourself. How can you utilize whatever time you have to do something related to your interest and passion. How can you commit whatever insignificant time and effort that moves you a millimeter towards your goal. What can you listen, watch or read to keep yourself motivated and pumped up to do your best in times of struggle. What can you do to negate those negative thoughts and stress and feel fulfilled as you are doing your best as a parent keeping yourself calm and balanced.
During these demanding situations our actions, involvement and responses depend mainly upon our mental strength and our confidence on our physical abilities. This is where Intermittent Fasting (IF) helps me. IF made my body a self-sustaining machine which enables me to focus and take care of all urgent needs without worrying about the food or diet or exercise.
Now the scenario that I am about to discuss could be relatable to many of us working parents. Almost daily when we return our homes from offices commuting through terrible traffic, we feel like falling on to our couches and feel like doing nothing, we want to just watch TV or Netflix, and hit the bed to have uninterrupted sleep. Basically we no longer want to do any activity that consumes more of our physical or mental energy. When we are low on our energy and will power we want to do things that gives us some pleasure and instant gratification.
You need to keep going even if no body at home or anyone else understands what you have been through and what you are feeling or even if you want somebody show some pity and appreciation for what you are dealing with yet nobody does.
*Do read the Disclaimer