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Expression of anger is the tragic expression of an unmet need

Marshall Rosenberg, the developer of Nonviolent Communication, said, “Every criticism, judgment, diagnosis, and expression of anger is the tragic expression of an unmet need”.

For example, when someone criticizes a partner, they may be expressing an unmet need or desire. It could be a way of asking for something, but it may result in the opposite of what they want. Instead of criticizing immediately, someone could try to reflect on why they are angry, what they want, and where it is coming from.

~Praveen Jada

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Snakes can bite venom into your body but they cannot suck the venom out

Snakes can bite venom into your body but they cannot suck the venom out of your body. Similarly there are a lot of things we as humans can do to others that could do irreversible damage and cannot be repaired. Physical hurt heals over time. Mental wounds linger for life-time. One cannot control what others say and how others behave but we have control over what we allow to sit in our mind.

As Marcus Aurelius in Meditations said,
“When you wake up in the morning, tell yourself: the people I deal with today will be meddling, ungrateful, arrogant, dishonest, jealous and surly. They are like this because they can’t tell good from evil. But I have seen the beauty of good, and the ugliness of evil, and have recognized that the wrongdoer has a nature related to my own – not of the same blood and birth, but the same mind, and possessing a share of the divine. And so none of them can hurt me. No one can implicate me in ugliness. Nor can I feel angry at my relative, or hate him. We were born to work together like feet, hands and eyes, like the two rows of teeth, upper and lower. To obstruct each other is unnatural. To feel anger at someone, to turn your back on him: these are unnatural.”

~Praveen Jada

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How guilt, shame and regret makes us impulsive

Shame, embarrassment, regret, being disappointed with oneself, not being honest and unable to keep up the promises that you made creates a storm of stress in the brain which is painful and miserable. Our brain don’t want to live and stay in this guilty condition so in order to feel better and feel happier in that moment we get distracted. We want to distract ourselves by depending and moving on to external sources. Meaning you will get into consuming mode and spending mode. You may distract yourself by buying things consuming food, browsing, watching videos, gossiping etc., To simply put we distract ourselves by indulging in activities and things that gives us instant pleasure and jolt of high.

While making choices and taking decisions you always have the easy option and the hard option. The easy option is to normalise the event by ignoring it and getting distracted and then indulge oneself in instant gratification and pleasure. The other option is the hard stuff which is selfie valuation and self assessment.

If you keep breaking promises, procrastinating, not living up to your full potential, not doing meaningful interesting work then it is like building a pile of stinking shit day by day. So the more crap that you build inside you the more vulnerable and impulsive you would become. You would unknowing become a victim of external forces that are trying and looking out for your weakness and insurities. You immediately fall for any suggesting that makes you feel better for the moment and give into any product marketing that gives a false sense of important. Many times we also give into our instinct of owing material things to make us look better and elevate our external status. Unfortunately other people always look at things we own and admire them and do not care about the people who own them.

The more internal imbalance and incongruence you have the more vulnerable you would become for the external vices. The more guilt and shame you add up internally the more you seek the validation from outside world. You turn your eye on money, control, pleasure or fame to add value to your persona instead of building a persona that attracts money, power and respect.

~Praveen Jada

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Clustering Illusion

The clustering illusion occurs when people incorrectly perceive random events as having meaningful patterns. This cognitive bias stems from the brain’s propensity to search for regularities and correlations, which can be advantageous in environments where actual patterns exist. However, in random sequences, this tendency leads to the erroneous detection of clusters.


Financial Decisions: Investors might perceive trends in stock prices where none exist, leading to poor investment choices. For example, seeing a series of gains or losses might lead an investor to believe in a continuing trend, causing them to buy high and sell low, contrary to sound investment principles.


Healthcare: Medical professionals may fall victim to the clustering illusion when interpreting patient symptoms or test results. For instance, a doctor might see a pattern in a series of unrelated cases and diagnose a rare disease, leading to unnecessary tests or treatments.


Everyday Life: Individuals often make decisions based on perceived patterns in random events. For instance, someone might choose lottery numbers based on past winning numbers, believing that certain numbers are “due” to come up, despite each draw being independent and random.

~Praveen Jada

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Blue dot effect

We all make many of judgments every day. Our decision making and assessments are not based on any hard and fast rules. Most of them are instinctive based on some subconscious triggers.

Researchers at Harvard University conducted an experiment asking participants to identify “Blue” Dots from a series of a thousand Dots ranging in colour from very blue to very purple. These Dots would flash on a computer screen one after the other. Initially, for Dots shown on the screen, the participants identified the colour accurately. Roughly half of the dots were blue, and half were purple.


However, progressively researchers made sure the frequency of blue dots reduced dramatically. Strangely, the participants reacted by selecting as Blue Dots those that were shades of purple- their classification of Blue expanded in proportion to the decrease in the Blue Dots on the screen. In essence, as the occurrence of blue dots decreased, the definition of blue expanded. Prevalence affected the judgment of the respondents.


The researchers termed this phenomenon “prevalence-induced concept change.”
In further experiments, the researchers found the same effect when participants had to identify aggressive faces from a group that ranged from ‘very threatening’ to ‘not very threatening,’ and again when separating unethical research proposals from ethical ones.
The Blue Dot effect suggests that our mind is conditioned to look for threats and issues, regardless of how safe or comfortable our environment is. The better things get, the more we nitpick on even the smallest of issues. The size of the problem does not determine our emotional reactions to our problems. Instead, our minds simply amplify our problems to fit the degree of stress we expect to experience. Success and material progress do not necessarily relax us or make us feel better about our future.


The Blue Dot Effect, in many ways, represents our predicament. Most of us are leading more comfortable lives than we ever did. Yet, we are constantly griping with a sense of dissatisfaction. We don’t seem satisfied in our present state of relative abundance( compared to our past).


This is the Blue Dot Effect playing out in our lives. We are amplifying the negatives and glossing out the positives, out of past conditioning.

~Praveen Jada

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This is what you do when you feel depressed

When you are depressed you may do many things to make you feel better and happy but they would improve your depressive tendencies . Actually the things that you are scared of and unwilling to do are the ones that may help you in getting better and healthy, but you don’t do them.

So you are stuck in this rut when you feel depressed or believe that you have depression . Cut the cycle at some stage and you will feel better for sure. First step is to move your body, eat whole foods, take vitamins and sleep well. If you do these things then you may be able able to get a grip over your mind.

Hopeless Optimism and Hopeful Pessimism

Hopeless optimism may not always give you the right results and most probably you may be disappointed and heartbroken. Because when you feel hopeless, you rely more on others and external factors to take care of your satiation. You may also believe that you have no personal agency. So, you do not invest time in preparation, planning and becoming stronger from inside and you would be optimistic that the external circumstances would turn out to be good automatically. Here you are optimistic of the future but hopeless on your personal responsibility and agency.

Hopeful pessimism most of the times would work in favour of you. Since you are pessimistic of the future, you are expecting that the external factors would most probably would not care for help you automatically. You believe that the external events are random in nature and generally people do not care about what you need what you want who you are and what you are going through in life. Because of that you are inherently motivated to develop yourself and be self reliant to overcome your difficulties and reach a higher standard. This makes you resilient in unexpected situations. Here you are pessimistic on the future but hopeful on your personal responsibility and agency.

~Praveen Jada

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Wealth is measured by the things that cannot be measured

Don’t think all the poverty, ill-health, difficulties, trauma in life are due to laziness and bad decisions. Don’t think that all richness and great lifestyle are due to hard work and discipline.

One must not measure ones worth by the properties they own or the job they are doing or the salary they are earning.

Wealth is measured by the things that are not visible. Wealth is measured by your savings. Money and property you own is part of the wealth but your relationships, family, health and wellness, meaningful work and service you are offering, your mindset and skillsets, your community play a bigger role in evaluating your wealth.

~Praveen Jada

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You only see the positive side of a new product

Whenever there is a new discovery in any field by humanity, it is human nature to first identify benefits and market it. In due course of time when more and more people use it, we start to see the other side of the invention which are the disadvantages and the side effects.

It is moral and ethical to publish the side effects and disadvantages of the new product. But in order for it to be successful in the market , only the positive effects are promoted. Humans have a huge negative bias and we naturally tend to keep away from pain and discomfort. So it is possible that the product may not sell if people get scared of minor ill-effects of the product. Hence, by default any new invention will be just circulated in common public by showing the positive side and by hiding the negative side. Generally, the true extent of the damage that could be caused by the product would be discovered only after a long time. By then, the damage may be irreversible in few instances.

So beware of this fact before becoming used to any new product, technology or medical drug etc.,

~Praveen Jada

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