If you want people to do something and take an action then motivate them through rewards and incentives but if you want people not to do something and prevent them from doing something then you need to get them with the negative consequences of punishments.
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What happens during highly emotional states especially low energy emotional states like anger, frustration, pain, embarrassment, shame, guilt, regret, punishment is that we are in a highly emotional state to fix it. So we take a snapshot in our mind for our future reference to protect ourselves from the same kind of experience. It is a protective mechanism and during these negative energy states your brain makes certain conclusions and those conclusions or inferences that you make out of the event saves very strongly in the brain memory. Unfortunately these conclusions are most likely are not rational and logical. They are made in a hurry to satisfy our ego in the state of fear and hence they lack big picture and objective evaluation.
Here is the reason why we are afraid of the negative consequences than being inspired by the positive outcomes of a any pursuit in life. Let us take the example of giving a speech in front of hundreds of audience. It is highly likely that you would give a good speech and present yourself well on stage if you put in the hard work, practice and if you have done enough research on the topic. Even though we imagine the audience is applauding for our performance our dopaminergic (reward) centres of the brain do not get activated for hypothetical rewards. But at the same time your flight or fight centre of the brain which is amygdala would sure get activated the moment you imagine you fumbling on the stage or blacking out or people booing you or laughing at you. So our brain has high affinity towards negative events of life even though imaginary. It is an ancient survival and protection mechanism inbuilt in our brain.
So hypothetical positive experience is will not trigger and activate the reward centres of the brain but negative hypothetical events will trigger negative emotions in our brain and survival mechanisms in our brain. That is the reason why we suffer more in our imagination than in reality.
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Depression is something that makes you feel like you are hopeless about the future and you are not optimistic of your life in the long term and that is because of mainly the conclusions that you made out of the past experience Your depression is impacting the future but you are debilitated because of the inferences that you made due to certain events in life. Depression happens because you have anger or guilt or shame on your past experience of life and this mentality is impacting your future and vision of life.
You feel anxiety because you are stressed out on the future of life. You are worrying about the future, you are trying to control the uncontrollables and you are trying to change something by not taking an action. You feel anxious because you lack control over circumstances or you want to control something that you don’t have power over. To top it, you are not doing anything about it and not taking any action, then it worsens the anxiety.
Inaction and procrastination leads to anxiety. It is a result of feeling helpless and out of control of various factors in life. The more you delay the more anxious you feel. The more you postpone the work you have to do, the more you do unimportant stuff to feel busy. The more you focus on uncontrollables and a perfect day to start the more energy you would waste in thinking about the reasons for avoiding the real stuff you need to do.
Both anxiety and depression or either ends of the present moment. Depression is you controlling the past events and anxiety is you controlling the future events. Either way you are worrying about what is not present and what is not in your control. Now when it becomes repetitive and when you do not know how to handle this and what is happening biologically in your brain, then you would resort to involuntary actions of bringing your state of mind to present by indulging in temporary fun, instant pleasures and gratifications like playing video game or binge eating and watching some online content and gossiping something that wouldn’t add up to anything. You are just diverting your brain temporarily but it is not a good strategy.
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People envy what you own and jealous of what you have in life. But they are not envious and jealous of what you did and what you do daily to have what you have in life. It is easy to feel envy of the things others own but it is not easy be envious of the hard work, sacrifices and commitment that they make to have the life they want.
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Sacrifice for what you want before what you want becomes a sacrifice. I think humans created God for a proxy for a better future because god give faith and hope. God helps hard workers. It is always sacrifice of present for a better tomorrow. Work hard for what you want to be and have in long run. Sacrifice for what you want before what you want becomes a sacrifice.
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Those who have more everything will be given and those who have less everything will be taken. That is why rich keep getting richer and poor keep getting poorer.
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Thinking too much of the past makes us feel depressed and thinking too much about future makes us feel anxious. A healthy dose using past experiences for the benefit of what you are pursuing currently allows us to feel less depressed about hurtful events in past. Taking action and doing the work you are supposed to do reduces anxiety. Focusing on controlling the factors that are in your control instills faith and makes you hopeful about better tomorrow. So being mindful of what you are pursuing right now, putting faith on the work you are doing currently, believing in yourself and being less concerned about what others are accepting or rejecting about us and focussing on what you can control are some ways to handle mental states that suck energy out of us.
One solution is to constantly work on self. Recognising our talents and mastering them to become skillful. Making the purpose of our life to work on our passion and perfecting the craft. Then give meaning to your passion by putting it to good use for resolving the problems of the society. By doing so, you are working on what you love so that you are willing to take in struggle and failure as part of the journey. When you focus on the process of becoming someone for achieving something in life, you are in the present moment with a gratitude for past and faith for future.
Another solution is to find what is more important than you, what is the work of life, what is one thing that you feel is bigger than yourself, what is your mission and vision for life. Then work on pursuing that as a continuous process of improvement through selfless outpouring of your energy and resources for the attainment of the Nobel goal.
Another solution is to provide, protect and support the people that you feel are more important than yourself. When your heart goes out for such people in your life and if you do everything and anything for them to provide a better quality of life and put them in front of you, then that is a noble way of living life which leads to a sense of gratification and fulfilment.
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When you build your life story, your sense of self your reality, your perception of the world based on misinformation and disinformation then your way of thinking and decisions would be biased and partial. Then you would see what you want to see, you would read what you want to read, you would follow what you want to follow. Then it is quite possible that you will see what is not real and believe in what is not real. When you continue like this in the real world and take decisions based on your false reality which you have created for yourself to protect yourself from shame, guilt and regret, then obviously you would encounter things that would create discontentment and dissatisfaction in life. And generally that leads to more troubles in life and more resistance from people. It seems to them that everything is working against them. They start to believe that everything around them is pathological and world is a hostile place. As a consequence they become more and more bitter and vengeful against others and life in general. These kind of people who do not take responsibility and do not take accountability for their actions will complain about everything and blame others for their problems. Moreover, they work towards destroying others goodwill and break sprit of people who are working hard to become better.
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People don’t care how much you know until they feel and believe how much you care for the cause.
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The ability to delay gratification & the willingness to wade into uncertainty are SUPERPOWERS!
Perfectionism and paralysis by analysis has killed war goals than failure ever could. So many people never even start because they spend so much time over analyzing the problem, letting themselves sort through all possible solutions, and never actually start.
Let me tell you a secret, massive, imperfect action is 1000 times more effective than waiting for things to be ‘perfect’
Even if you have the best possible, plan on paper, things are going to not go according to plan. You’re going to screw up, there’s going to be errors, but if you’re paying attention, you will learn from those. As you learn, you will grow, and you will get better.
But if you never start, and you never actually do the damn thing, then you’ll never be able to learn, and you’ll never be able to grow. And you’ll never have a chance to get to your goals.
If I had listened to everyone else, hell, even if I had listened to my own insecurities, I never would’ve had that moment. And so many other moments in my life.
Do the damn thing
Do it now
Imperfect as you are and as you can
DO IT NOW
Because ‘some day’ may never come.
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Rule 1: Do Not Carelessly Denigrate Social Instutions or Creative Achievement
Rule 2: Imagine Who You Could Be
Rule 3: Do Not Hide Unwanted Things In The Fog
Rule 4: Notice That Opportunity Lurks Where Responsibility Has Been Abdicated
Rule 5: Do Not Do What You Hate
Rule 6: Abandon Ideology
Rule 7 – Work as Hard As You Possibly Can at Least One Thing
Rule 8 – Try to Make One Room In Your Home As Beautiful As Possible
Rule 9 – If Old Memories Still Upset You, Write Them Down Carefully and Completely
Rule 10 – Plan and Work Diligently to Maintain The Romance In Your Relationship
Rule 11 – Do Not Allow Yourself to Become Resentful, Deceitful, or Arrogant
Rule 12 – Be Grateful In Spite of Your Suffering
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The knowledge about ourselves is an end in itself. Self awareness is end in itself. Knowing our patterns of thoughts and beliefs is an ended itself. Being able to self analyse and be critical about our own thinking is an end in itself.
Do not expect something great when you are working consciously and taking decisions with critical thinking. Do not do self-work and work on self-improvement expecting approval and acceptance from others.
Anything that starts with Self* like self-discipline, self-worth, self-esteem, self-respect, self-awareness are only meant for you and only you. So be strict with yourself and tolerant with others.
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You would the worst scientist if every experiment you do is a success. The very purpose of conducting experiments is to look at various failures and come up with a better process to become less wrong next time.
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Weak men try to convince the world that they are not weak. Strong men do not convince the world of anything.
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