Everything’s amazing and everyone is anxious. We are living in the best times in the history of mankind but there is more distress, more anxiety, more depressed people, more hunger, more poverty, more discrimination, more sickness, more distrust than ever. We have increased the lifespan using modern medicine but reduced the healthy quality of life by repeatedly addressing the symptoms and doing temporary fixes.
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Your customers or clients or audience would get the best service from you and the best experience from you only when you are doing the best thing for yourself. Meaning you are first considering what is in your best interest and living it. Hence you would do the same thing if you are in the same position of your audience or your customers. So you are doing a great service to the people you serving by serving yourself the best way possible.
You must be your best self with commitment and consistency to have high high-esteem and self-respect for others to respect you and get value in your presence. You must ensure that others are winning along with you.
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Imagine that you are watching a movie and you know all the main characters in the movie. The most important character in the movie would be the hero or the heroine of the movie and there are few other people along with the lead characters based on which the movie is running. Any movie has a lot of extra characters in a scene to add reality to the movie scene. Now let us say that you are watching all the people that are extras in the movie. When there is an important action sequence going on between main characters, their might be lot of other people lot of other things that might be happening in and around those characters like in the real world.
Now assume that you started focusing and concentrating on these extras in the movie who are inconsequential and irrelevant to the main plot of the story and you started thinking about them analyzing their actions, activities and what they are doing instead of focusing on the main characters and the leads of the story . By the end of the movie you have lost the plot, you have lost the enjoyment of movie, you didn’t make any sense out of your time and you you leave the theater dissatisfied.
Similarly, in real life you need to pay attention to who you are following, who you are listening to, who you are watching, who are your role models. Watch out for people who matters so that you would not be mislead. Take suggestions and criticism from people who are in better position than you are, people who did what you are doing and who want what you want in life. Rest of the people are just side characters who you need to ignore as much as possible and stay in your path.
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Your quality of life depends on the number of tasks you can take up that you are fearful of.
The breakthrough you are searching for in life may most probably waiting for you on the other side of the work that you are avoiding for long time.
You might be postponing the tasks that are beneficial for you just because they are unfamiliar to you. Any new endeavor brings a bit of risk and uncertainty along with it. As humans we choose safety and certainty over risk and uncertainty , hence our brains resist any kind of change even though it is good for us.
So first show up, start with small steps, familiarize the new stuff to your brain and body, keep doing consistently, get back on track if you fail and do not give up in between.
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Ask these questions to clarify your life plan and business plan
What do you love what do you care for?
What are you willing to struggle and suffer for?
What do you hate and what bothers you the most?
Now try to connect these answers to your real life, your family, your community around and identify how you can use your answers to resolve a need using your skillset.
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Always ask yourself these questions when you are in the midst of chaos and confusion.
Are you part of the problem or part of the solution.
Are you creating problems for the solutions or offering solutions for the problems.
Are you rejecting the solutions as you want to the problem to stay because it is convenient to you and works for you.
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If you do not have core values and beliefs then you would keep searching for the acceptance of others and do what others expect you to do. You would be controlled by the acceptance and rejections of others. So you keep seeking respect from others instead of having self respect.
You need to focus on your shout rather than the echo you get for shout. When you focus on your shout that means you are focusing on your purpose and working in alignment of your values instead of working on what others are saying you need you to do. You would work on something that world is needed instead of what the world is forcing you to do
Your true power lies in identifying that you matter and believing that you have the inner strength to make a difference in this world . You power lies in believing that you are unique and you can package your uniqueness for the betterment of the place that you are living in. Your true power lies in identifying your talents and master them to become skills and once you master certain skill, then you have to look out how it is going to solve the problems in this world and you need to offer your skill set as a service to the world. This is the purpose, work and meaning of your life
Self esteem is your ability to stare naked at your inadequacies and weaknesses and accepting that you have certain limitations. Instead of ignoring them you work with them to improve yourself and not seek validation from others. Self esteem is not about feeling great about your strengths but self esteem is feeling strong despite the weaknesses. You have high self esteem if you can tolerate rejections and laughs from others. You have high self-esteem if you stick to what you believe and value instead of reacting to what others are saying. You need to build your self-esteem around being a learner and becoming better if you fail or do mistakes. If you build your self-esteem around being right or liked by others or what feels good or what others accept, then you need to take a look at your level of esteem. You need to build yourself esteem from your inherent strengths and weaknesses rather than keeping it a variable based on the response that you are getting from the outside world. That means you are valuing your strength and weaknesses for the way they are and willing to learn to improve and work on them not concerned about validation and approval from the outside world.
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Happiness is not a feeling. Certain feelings are evidence of happiness. Happiness is a state of being. Happiness is a continuous process of deliberate decision making and choices that keeps you in high energy states. It is a state where you feel hopeful, in control of the circumstances and energized.
You can become happier but not happiest. Happiness is subjective and relative to other things and people. As the saying goes, you want to be happy but little happier than the people around you. You want be rich but little richer then than the people around you.
Happiness = enjoyment + satisfaction + meaning .
Enjoyment is not pleasure. Pleasure is instantaneous which is either getting calories for your survival or doing something that pass on your genes. Pleasure seeking is primitive and animalistic. Enjoyment is adding a layer of logic and rationality to pleasure. Enjoyment needs decision making and conscious action. Enjoyment needs a combination of people and memory. When you are doing certain pleasurable activities like drinking or eating delicious foods or watching something, if you do it with a peer group who are responsible, that becomes enjoyable because now you are having pleasure though the source if the pleasure is not really healthy for you. You can do it in a social setting so that you are creating joyful memories which makes it difficult for you to abuse the substance in hand. On the other hand, when done in privacy anything can be abused as there is no accountability and no one to watch and warn you.
Satisfaction is the joy of struggle for achieving something or in the pursuit of something. You suffer or struggle in pursuit of something that you feel is important to you and at the end you feel satisfaction when you accomplish it. But here is the hard part because mother nature does not allow that satisfaction to last long yet we want to pursue our passions. Why because your brain essentially shields you from the reality of getting to base line (feel no excitement in no time) once you achieve something because if you somehow are conscious of this fact, then you may not go through he struggles in the first place.
You need to get to the base line and reach homeostasis because you would sit and not do anything if you are satisfied for ever. You stop growing and learning. Our biology ensures that the satisfaction fads off quickly after a reward and hides it from our consciousness when we are pursuing it. For example, I will try my best and get a promotion but we look out for a higher position and salary after few days. I move to a different location in a gated community. Yes I feel satisfied excited and you would be joyful for the first few days but all the happy feelings will come down after few days. You would think that you know buying that a new car or new watch or buying something that you have been waiting for long time with bring you happiness and you are going to use it for a better quality of life but novelty of materials disappears with time. You realise that it is just a tool and nothing more than that.
For example in most of over companies your manager would disclose your increased salary for the next year before a month or two before you receive the confirmation. So actually many people would elated and extremely joyful on the day where they got the information from their manager rather than the day that day receive this increment in their paycheck. Excitement of that news and the chief mental satisfaction would reach the baseline for a reason so that you try even better for next increment cycle.
You would think that you would be fit, strong, healthy and disease free if you get six pack. Once you get it, you feel excited, you feel that achievement but you would soon realise that has nothing to do with being healthy for longevity. People who had great health spans and led a useful lives did not have six packs or ripped at the end of their life. They are more focussed on the being part of a community, moving a lot, eating food that is aligned with their culture, providing some service and being valued for their service in their community.
You think that you would be able to purchase a mansion, travel to somewhere , do things that you are passionate about and be someone or pursue something after you retire, do what you love after completing your responsibilities maybe when you are around 50 or 55 years . But soon you would realise that the ability to do the things that are worthy and makes you significant would not happen all of a sudden but needs a long term consistency and commitment. Many people think that once they get the things that they want , once you complete certain duty, once you reach a certain stage of life they will be satisfied and be happy.
This is where our evolutionary biology is on the full go, this is where our mother nature wants to believe that this time it is going to be different and everything is going to change this time. But that never happens. We as humans want instant pleasure, what to enjoy, want to live in luxury and experience all good things in life, wants to own expensive houses, cars, products to show-off, want other to like us but at the same time this is where majority of the people would fall into the trap of hedonic treadmill and they go into this indefinite loop of wanting more and more and more.
Now the solution to it is what is stated in our religious texts Buddhism and stoicism. It is to limit tower attachment to the the material things and temporary things. Minimize our temptations and short term pleasures. We can do this by focusing more on what we have and being grateful to what we have. Attending to what is necessary and essential in life. Focussing on what is needed and less on desires. Reducing the choices and options we have and settle for what is best for us and stop comparing. So that we would be grateful for what we have and at the same time striving to work harder to improve our quality of life. You should reduce wanting what others are having. You must focus on having what you really want in life and not what others say you should have in life.
Meaning of life is a combination of coherence, purpose and significance. Coherence is believing that things happened for a reason. Coherence is believing that things happen for us and not to us. It doesn’t need to make sense at this time as it could be random, it could be unexpected but believing that everything happens for a reason give s sense of control and power to get up and do what you are supposed to do.
Purpose gives you the direction of our life. It is the north star that guides you to make the best use of your skills for your own benefit then also you your family and later for a greater good for others. You may or may not reach your destination but you know your path, you know the journey that you need to take, you believe that you matter in this world.
Your significance is nothing but the importance and respect that you gain through your services. You want to be valued you want to leave a legacy, you want to give your best to your family, reach a respectable position in the society. Your significance depends on the the positive impact you create with your presence. Believe that you have a role in this world, believe that your life has purpose, believe that there is a reason for you to be here and then you believe that your life a meaning to it.
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Perfectionism is a recipe for feeling anxious, burnout and depression because you are constantly comparing and not taking any action waiting for the perfect time and moment. Perfectionism leads to procrastination. Inaction is the cause of many missed opportunities and wasted time in hand. Because when you focus on getting perfect results, generally you are risk averse and choose safer options that let you win. Perfectionism would not allow for creativity and innovation because you are scared of failures and mishaps. You need to experiment to be creative but experimentation is possible if you are scared of failure. We can point out 10 flaws in their performance .
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Chance happens to a prepared mind. Opportunity knocks on the door of a person who has planned and prepared for years.
Fortune favors the brave and people who go against the common crowd.
Luck is a sudden unexpected event and surprise not to the person who experience is it but to the people around him or her.
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Other people must win when you win. You must win so that others with you can aspire to win. You must make honest efforts to enable people around you to win.
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The quote “Youth is wasted on the young” is attributed to George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950), an Irish dramatist and author.
The quote is considered acerbic and wryly funny. It’s a perspective that comes with age, when simple things are harder to do and enjoy.
Shaw later said that young people are “brainless, and don’t know what they have; they squander every opportunity of being young, on being young”.
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i am in charge of my life and god is in charge of everything else outside of me.
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