We can only be grateful when you accept your life as it is and people around you as they are. You are grateful if you believe that life happens for you and not to you. We are grateful to whatever we have when we are centered and balanced.
Every human being, regardless of gender, age or culture lives moment by moment with a set of priorities or by their highest values.
This set of highest values is unique to you and whatever is the highest value on your list becomes the primary source of what drives you.
Whatever is HIGHEST on your value list is the action that is most important and what you are most likely to be spontaneously inspired to act upon without requiring extrinsic motivation.
As a result, when living congruently with your highest values, you tend to be most disciplined, reliable and focused. It’s also when your self-worth tends to go up and you feel most fulfilled.
As you attempt to act in ways that are lower or further down on your hierarchy of values, you tend to become more extrinsically driven and you will require an extrinsic reward in order to do it and / or a punishment if you don’t, in order to get you to act.
It’s also when your self-worth tends to go down and where you tend to feel more and more unfulfilled.
You are infatuated if look up to someone and you value their personality traits. In a way you feel inferior to them and feel that you lack something. You look down upon someone when you feel superior . In a way you are diminishing their presence. When you observe things as they are with a reflective awareness, then you welcome the life as it comes to you, accepts it, and makes the best use of it.
Your identity revolves around what you value most, so it’s in this area that you tend to have the greatest self-worth.
You value yourself whenever you live by highest priority and don’t value yourself when you don’t live by highest priority.
- If you don’t fill your day with high-priority actions that inspire you, it tends to fill up with low-priority distractions that don’t.
- If you don’t live congruently with your highest value, you tend not to value yourself to the highest.
In other words, the first step to valuing yourself is taking command of your life and living congruently with what you value most.
You are also more likely to wake up your leadership capacities because you will tend to be more effective and efficient in your actions and have more resilience and stamina in life.
On the other hand, when you fill your day with low-priority actions, the blood glucose and oxygen go into your subcortical brain which includes the amygdala.
So, instead of waking up your executive center for inspired vision, you wake up your amygdala, which deals with conditioned reflexes, and impulses seeking immediate gratification and the avoiding of pain.
When you force others to live according to your values or you are forced to live as per other values, then you are setting up hostile environment and your expectations are unrealistic. When you project unrealistic expectations on others or on us then we give into below negative feelings and takes away gratitude.
- Anger, agitation, and aggression
- Betrayal and blame
- Criticism and challenges
- Despair, Deception, and depression
- Exit and escape
- Frustration and futility
- Grief and grouchiness
- Hatred and hurt
Most of the people want to be victims of their history rather than being the master of their destiny. We lead our lives with our intentions and not by our actions. We prove our intentions are always correct through self-deception. Not everyone lives consciously and with good intentions. Generally, people deceive themselves to extreme to say that their intentions are right and good for others. We have super capacity to convince ourselves what we are doing is right. It is difficult to be self-aware and examine our thoughts.
It is not that we don’t know matters to us in life, but we know so much that does not matter. We need to transcend the desire of immediate gratification to realize the greatness in us.
Wealthy people who thrived and sustained the ups and downs ,
- Think not only about them but also about others. They focus on the services they could provide and contribution. Serve a vast number of people
- Run business to maximum number of profits.
- They save money and keep liquid money.
- They invest smartly and take calculated risks.
- They invest their wealth to raise not only their standards of living but also raise the general standards of living in the society.
- They do not consider wealth to be good or evil. They look at things as they are and a means to an end.
- Money must not be viewed as dirty, evil, or bad etc., it is an expression of fair exchange of services.
- They are creative and think differently.
- They innovate to resolve the common problems of the society.
Instead of following the crowd, dare to be original and make a meaningful contribution that both fulfills you and benefits others equally. That’s the path of sustainable fair exchange.
Strive for fair exchange with your fellow humans, engaging in activities you’re inspired by while simultaneously serving others. By doing so, you not only fulfill your own aspirations but also leave a lasting impact on those you aim to serve.
When you are selfish and hoard money or resources, then it causes revolution. Then the resources are distributed, then it creates evolution.
Most people are extrinsically driven. People who live life based on punishment and reward mechanisms would not be able to experience their true potential. Punishment and reward strategies have been used historically to meet selfish human ambitions especially in political and religious areas. People seeking immediate results are not driven by what is relevant to them and what makes them alive. They are driven by the extrinsic values and in constant comparison . They are in the constant process of seeking or avoiding something outside of them. Desiring the undesirable and avoiding the unavoidable is the path to silence suffering in life.
A small boy who loves to have fun and experience the pleasure of winning without seeking reward enjoys playing the video game. But as he grows, he expects others to watch him play and appreciate him or he compares his skills with others and clouds his joy of playing the game. To seek the approval and reward if one wins and to deserve a punishment if one does not is a clear path to creativity. Your true nature is constricted by the clutches of win or loss and your growth is dependent on the forces that are out of your control. Our voice in inside must be much louder than the voices outside us.
A person who governs with-in does not need a governance with-out. I normally observed that when I was infatuated by my own accomplishments and hard work, I feel entitled and expect others to praise me and look up to me. But when I am with my wife and son, they do not make me feel that that do not worth my efforts. I felt many times that they do not care about me, and they are full of themselves. Sometimes I am down and return home with exhaustion. But my family with have their own priorities and they did not care much about my attitude. Here also I felt entitled to get their empathy and expected their support or kind words. In both the case I felt entitled and expected something out of the people around me. But when I say to myself that I need to be present and be myself when I am with my family irrespective of what I experience in my outside life, I did not feel the difference in the way my close people behaved with me. They were just being themselves whether I was elated or felt miserable. I felt disappointed when I projected my internal mind state on to the people around me. Things did not work out when I expected people to revere me and give special attention when I was doing good. My external world was not pleasant when I felt like a victim. Things looked better when I expected more from myself instead of others.
We need to self-govern and must not expect someone or something to govern us, take care of us, make us feel secured, make us healthy and feel better. When you govern your body and mind, you would not let external factors to govern your ability to act rationally. Being authentic and being your true self attracts people and things that match with your identity and values. When your close circumstances are in alignment with your identity, then you can express your true self without inhibitions.
If you fit in, you cannot stand out. Give yourself the permission to stand out and you will see breakthrough. It is scary to think, it is even scarier to be critical in thinking. It is painful to be critical of your own thinking. It is a lot of effort and exhausting to take decisions. We delegate control over our lives for a sense of certainty.
We are mortal soles with immortal goals. Our bodies are mortal, but our ideas, vision and mission can be immortal. Our way of life can be a search light for the future generations. When I am no more I cannot feel the reverence towards me, I cannot enjoy the fame, I cannot experience the joy of watching the people living the life that I endorse but sure I can start to love the feeling of me being of use to others even after I am gone. When you strive to live a life that can have a legacy, then you would work towards with purpose and mission in life.
When we drift through life without a clear intention, we become a consumer and give into instant gratification. When we have a vision which is bigger than ourselves, we are less likely to be distracted by events in life. When are looking for immediate pleasures, then you would miss the big picture and living by your lowest priorities. This is a low conscious state and people are slaves their animal instincts. We are who we are today because of both good and the bad in the society. We are who we are today because of both good experiences and bad experiences from the people. Anything you are judging on the outside are something that you detest in yourself. Maximum growth occurs when there is good and bad, chaos and order, support, and challenge. We need both ends in our life for us to be motivated to become better. People who supported us and people made our life difficult are needed to keep us centred. When you are infatuated then you are admiring only positive attributes of a person or something, when you are resentful then you are focusing on negative experiences due to a person or something. You would just grieve and show love if you value both side of a person or something.
Reference :
~Praveen Jada
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