When we try to hurt others by behaving like others to give the taste of their own medicine, we become more like them.
When we plan to give a tit-for-tat , we could indulge in activities that are against our core values and principles.
And later we suffer internally for breaking our morals and ethics in the process of taking revenge.
So while teaching a lesson to a person is important, we need to be cautious in not deviating too much from our values and standards.
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If you are not a born entrepreneur or do not have the family business to take over or do not have the mindset or experience to start with something that you love on your own, then do a job and side hustle on your passion.
Save money and keep some money as non-touchable as deposits/investments.
Save enough that you can survive and can have a good lifestyle for at least 2 to 3 years even without any income.
Until then the only way we can pursue our passion is constantly nature it. Keep watering it.
There is no need to quit the full time job you are doing. Do the best you could do for the moment. Just spend some time or keep making small progress on something that you love.
Once you have that security money saved that could provide you the safety net, then commit more time on working on your passion that you love and spend more time on the thing that makes you feel alive.
Now start working on it as if your life depends on it.
You got to commit, dedicate, be consistent, have discipline to keep going even if the world is against you. That is how you achieve your goals and live a life that you feel proud of.
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The person who cares the most suffers the most.
You will suffer only for those things that you really care for.
You care for stuff that is meaningful to you, so suffering is part of taking care of anything in life.
You can care for anything or anyone only if you are willing to give selflessly. Giving in terms of love or service or time or effort or contribution or availability or earning.
For instance, if you care for your loved ones health and wellbeing, then you need to prepare the right food, inculcate the right habits, train them in right mindset, push them to do exercise even if they are hating you, switch off the TV or mobile at night to go to bed even if they are shouting at you, be patient with them even if they are criticizing you for doing the right things.
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One thing we need to constantly remind ourselves is that there are a lot of things that happened and keep happening in our lives which are out of our control.
So have some compassion for yourself. When you look back in your life, you always did your best with the resources you have within your physical and mental capabilities. That does not mean that you wallow on own self-pity, but it is to acknowledge that you did your best but you can be better now. If the life is not the way you expected it to be, you could take the full responsibility and take action. It is to say that you got into a situation due to a lot of uncontrollable factors and now you decide to take responsibility to reform yourself to be a better version of yourself.
Right from the time we are born, we do not decide our parents, our ancestors, our genetics, the places we reside, the friends we make and love and a lot of other external circumstances we do not get to decide but our life has been shaped by all them together.
All of us are dealt with a different set of cards we need to play with. We have our limitations, strengths and weaknesses. However, all of us have the power of decision at any time in life. All of us can change our lives if we choose to believe in the process of transformation one small step at a time.
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You need courage to be different in this world addicted to being ordinary. When you talk like everyone, when you dress like everyone, when you do that is accepted by everyone, when you behave and take decisions based on others expectations, when you are slave to the external factors of the world that you are living in, then you are mellowed down anyway. You have submitted to the life you are given and do not need any courage to live your life. You are in auto-pilot and life will take you as per its will.
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Our subconscious brain works on pre-set patterns that were engraved right from our childhood. Our beliefs are core to the way our mind functions. We create our beliefs based on the stories we tell ourselves which in turn based on the experiences we have in life right from childhood. With this background of certain core beliefs we form our values. Our core beliefs and values create our identity.
Our beliefs, values and how we identify ourselves influence our thoughts. The way we think impacts our feelings internally. Our feelings show up as emotions to external world. Our emotions display our behaviour and attitude towards the event. The current state of mind you are in would make you take certain kind of decisions in life. Our decisions and choices impact the kind of results we get at the end. Essentially our life is summary of our thoughts, decisions and choices.
To understand it like layman, imagine our subconscious brain like a circular Maze with a ball (we) in the center. Even though we know that the way out is a straight line to the exit, we need to move the ball through all the exit points from the inner layer to outer layer. No matter how much you try to hit the wall hard with the ball, the ball stays where it is unless it is moved through the maze in circle through all layers’ exit points.
Now relate the layers of walls in the maze are neural patterns that are strongly engraved in our emotional/limbic brain which works unconsciously even while we are asleep. Relate yourself navigating through all the neural patterns while responding or reacting to events in this world. We know what is in our best interests and we know what is healthy for us, but our behaviour is influenced by these patterns of our subconscious brain. This automatic part of the brain runs 95% of our life.
This hardwiring happens strongly until 7 years of age and it is very difficult to change our beliefs and values once we cross 35 years of age as per some studies. Especially upto 7 years of age, anything and everything that happens in the environment can create a neural pattern in brain. Most importantly our parents, family, friends circle, where we study, the place we grow, the air and water we are exposed to, ones culture or traditions etc,. impact our subconscious thinking and behaviour.
Fact is some of the patterns work for us and some work against us. When our decisions are impacted by unhealthy patterns, we may not get right results. So we need to especially focus to override those subconscious habits and patterns that are making us sub-optimal.
If we hit the ball to one of the layer walls of the maze enough times, at some point the wall would break. Similarly we need to overcome our self-limiting beliefs and unhealthy habits one step at a time. We need to try again and again. Keep hitting and not give up. Show up and practice to replace the existing pattern with a new healthy habit. We need to consistently force our brain to think a certain way by take action daily one step at a time gradually and steadily. When the brain is exposed to an experience enough number of times, it tends to adopt to better thinking.
Now this logic can be applied to develop good or bad habits in life. So you are the best person to judge which is healthy for you and which is not and act accordingly. You are the writer of your future and driver of your destiny.
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An undisciplined life is an insane life
Socrates
Life without commitment is not worth living
Abraham Joshua Heschel
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The quality of answers you give to yourself for the questions (challenges) that life throws at you determines the quality of your life .
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YOUR MIND HAS TO BE ALWAYS STRONGER THAN YOUR FEELINGS.
THINK ABOUT IT,
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Bad times create strong people. Strong people create good times.
Good times create weak people. Weak people create bad times.
Bad times, bad situations, difficulties, struggle, suffering, would make people strong and strong people create good times. They do good deeds, they help others, they create things, they innovate solutions to the challenges.
Having only good times and having an easy comfortable life would create entitled and weak people. Entitled people create problems.
Weak people give rise to bad times as they pay more attention to things that are out of their control and complain what is wrong with the world instead of giving and doing something.
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What do we do when we are in negative states of mind like when we are stressful, when something unexpected event happens, when we are sad, miserable, angry, irritated, frustrated, anxious, depressed, resentful or vengeful etc., Our mind goes into consumption mode and we would not be in a state of giving. Now the consumption could be in any form like eating junk foods loaded with sugar, salt and fats, we could splurge on buying something that we do not need as such, we would consume data through scrolling social media or binge watch on videos etc.,
Generally we all indulge in these kind of activities which give us instant gratification because our rational part of the brain is short circuited during stressful times for us to make better decisions which is more beneficial in the long term. When things seem out of control and when we are in fear, we tend to latch on to something that gives us a sense of control and solace for time being. Doing all these things which gives us immediate pleasure would release dopamine which gives us a sense of reward and hope temporarily.
Maybe we all can indulge in these kinds of consumption behaviour from time to time but what we need to strive for and try our best is to expend our energy both physically and mentally. When we expend our energy and move our body with an intention to become better, we get a rush of endorphins which are natural feel good hormones produced by our body. we need to do things that makes us feel empowered and gives a sense of achievement like exercising, meditation, deep breathing, yoga, journaling, walking, spending some time in sunlight, helping others, supporting and giving your services to make others lives better, doing some social work etc., All these activities needs our effort, time and will power which brings the power back to the our neocortex brain which enables to make better judgements.
Eating healthy nutritious food, sticking to your routine like exercising, sleeping, hydrating and spending some time under sunlight, doing meditation or deep breathing or yoga are actually more essential when you are in stressful times in your life. Try to make a habit spending energy and your time on things that needs effort instead consuming stuff during negative phases of your life.
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Our brain keeps on scanning our environment to predict and protect us. Its main job is to keep us safe and more importantly alive. In times of extreme starvation and stress, our brain could activate different systems that keeps us alive without food or water for days but at the cost of devouring our own body tissue and resources. This feature of our brain was of great help may in the ancient times when we used live as tribes in deep forests exposed to natural elements, wild animals and other dangers at any moment.
Experts say that our mind has psychological immunity. This psychological immune system is built from our childhood and continues to keep evolving as long as we live.
It is made up of our life experiences, our beliefs, our values, our self-image, our thoughts, our feelings and emotions.
This mental immunity keep our ego safe and stokes it to stay in your own limitations.
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• Anyone can stick to one’s’ decisions and values on a normal day, on an uncomplicated day or on a day where you do not have disturbances, mood swings , when all is well in life. So it is it is almost like you do need to put in effort or additional energy when everything is alright in and around you and you would continue with the routine that you have decided on.
• What’s more important and significant is that what you do and how you manage to stand by your standards and values on a day where you do not feel like getting up, when you mind says NO, when you do not have that motivation, when you are going through tough times in life.
• What matters is the kind of decisions you take and choices you make when life is acting against you despite your sincere efforts.
• You need to focus on those kind of unpleasant days in life as majority of the days in our lives are challenging. You need to device certain practices and routines that would enable to deal with unfortunate circumstances in life. You need to have uncompromisable daily rituals that you could do in your tough days so that you could make better decisions.
• Remember that everyone can do it when they feel like doing it and when everything in life is working in favour. It is when you are not in the mood and do it anyway, that makes all the difference in the world. This is one of the main reasons why some reach their milestones and some don’t.
• All noble virtues like commitment, discipline, sincerity, honesty, consistency, integrity, sacrifices, adjustment,s cooperation are convenient to do when you are in peaceful situations. But what about when you are challenged, when you are having a bad day, when you were in a bad mood, when you are having all the negative emotions like anger, irritation, frustration, and depression anxiety, stress.
• Commitment is mainly about keeping your promises and sticking to your decisions when things get difficult when your life.
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