Happiness is not a feeling. Certain feelings are evidence of happiness. Happiness is a state of being. Happiness is a continuous process of deliberate decision making and choices that keeps you in high energy states. It is a state where you feel hopeful, in control of the circumstances and energized.
You can become happier but not happiest. Happiness is subjective and relative to other things and people. As the saying goes, you want to be happy but little happier than the people around you. You want be rich but little richer then than the people around you.
Happiness = enjoyment + satisfaction + meaning .
Enjoyment is not pleasure. Pleasure is instantaneous which is either getting calories for your survival or doing something that pass on your genes. Pleasure seeking is primitive and animalistic. Enjoyment is adding a layer of logic and rationality to pleasure. Enjoyment needs decision making and conscious action. Enjoyment needs a combination of people and memory. When you are doing certain pleasurable activities like drinking or eating delicious foods or watching something, if you do it with a peer group who are responsible, that becomes enjoyable because now you are having pleasure though the source if the pleasure is not really healthy for you. You can do it in a social setting so that you are creating joyful memories which makes it difficult for you to abuse the substance in hand. On the other hand, when done in privacy anything can be abused as there is no accountability and no one to watch and warn you.
Satisfaction is the joy of struggle for achieving something or in the pursuit of something. You suffer or struggle in pursuit of something that you feel is important to you and at the end you feel satisfaction when you accomplish it. But here is the hard part because mother nature does not allow that satisfaction to last long yet we want to pursue our passions. Why because your brain essentially shields you from the reality of getting to base line (feel no excitement in no time) once you achieve something because if you somehow are conscious of this fact, then you may not go through he struggles in the first place.
You need to get to the base line and reach homeostasis because you would sit and not do anything if you are satisfied for ever. You stop growing and learning. Our biology ensures that the satisfaction fads off quickly after a reward and hides it from our consciousness when we are pursuing it. For example, I will try my best and get a promotion but we look out for a higher position and salary after few days. I move to a different location in a gated community. Yes I feel satisfied excited and you would be joyful for the first few days but all the happy feelings will come down after few days. You would think that you know buying that a new car or new watch or buying something that you have been waiting for long time with bring you happiness and you are going to use it for a better quality of life but novelty of materials disappears with time. You realise that it is just a tool and nothing more than that.
For example in most of over companies your manager would disclose your increased salary for the next year before a month or two before you receive the confirmation. So actually many people would elated and extremely joyful on the day where they got the information from their manager rather than the day that day receive this increment in their paycheck. Excitement of that news and the chief mental satisfaction would reach the baseline for a reason so that you try even better for next increment cycle.
You would think that you would be fit, strong, healthy and disease free if you get six pack. Once you get it, you feel excited, you feel that achievement but you would soon realise that has nothing to do with being healthy for longevity. People who had great health spans and led a useful lives did not have six packs or ripped at the end of their life. They are more focussed on the being part of a community, moving a lot, eating food that is aligned with their culture, providing some service and being valued for their service in their community.
You think that you would be able to purchase a mansion, travel to somewhere , do things that you are passionate about and be someone or pursue something after you retire, do what you love after completing your responsibilities maybe when you are around 50 or 55 years . But soon you would realise that the ability to do the things that are worthy and makes you significant would not happen all of a sudden but needs a long term consistency and commitment. Many people think that once they get the things that they want , once you complete certain duty, once you reach a certain stage of life they will be satisfied and be happy.
This is where our evolutionary biology is on the full go, this is where our mother nature wants to believe that this time it is going to be different and everything is going to change this time. But that never happens. We as humans want instant pleasure, what to enjoy, want to live in luxury and experience all good things in life, wants to own expensive houses, cars, products to show-off, want other to like us but at the same time this is where majority of the people would fall into the trap of hedonic treadmill and they go into this indefinite loop of wanting more and more and more.
Now the solution to it is what is stated in our religious texts Buddhism and stoicism. It is to limit tower attachment to the the material things and temporary things. Minimize our temptations and short term pleasures. We can do this by focusing more on what we have and being grateful to what we have. Attending to what is necessary and essential in life. Focussing on what is needed and less on desires. Reducing the choices and options we have and settle for what is best for us and stop comparing. So that we would be grateful for what we have and at the same time striving to work harder to improve our quality of life. You should reduce wanting what others are having. You must focus on having what you really want in life and not what others say you should have in life.
Meaning of life is a combination of coherence, purpose and significance. Coherence is believing that things happened for a reason. Coherence is believing that things happen for us and not to us. It doesn’t need to make sense at this time as it could be random, it could be unexpected but believing that everything happens for a reason give s sense of control and power to get up and do what you are supposed to do.
Purpose gives you the direction of our life. It is the north star that guides you to make the best use of your skills for your own benefit then also you your family and later for a greater good for others. You may or may not reach your destination but you know your path, you know the journey that you need to take, you believe that you matter in this world.
Your significance is nothing but the importance and respect that you gain through your services. You want to be valued you want to leave a legacy, you want to give your best to your family, reach a respectable position in the society. Your significance depends on the the positive impact you create with your presence. Believe that you have a role in this world, believe that your life has purpose, believe that there is a reason for you to be here and then you believe that your life a meaning to it.
*Do read the Disclaimer