The quote, “What happens to us does not determine our lives, but we use what happens to us to determine our lives,” speaks to the power of personal agency and resilience. It suggests that while external events—good or bad—shape the raw material of our existence, it’s our response to those events that ultimately defines who we become and how we live. Let’s unpack and expand on this idea.
At its heart, this is about control—or the lack of it. Life throws things at us we can’t predict or prevent: a sudden loss, an unexpected opportunity, a stroke of luck, or a crushing setback. These moments can feel like they’re steering the ship, dictating where we end up. The quote flips that notion. It says the events themselves aren’t the captain—you are. What happens is just the weather; how you navigate it is what sets your course.
Take hardship, for instance. A person might lose their job—a blow that could sink them into despair. But one might see it as a nudge to chase a dream they’d shelved, using the setback as fuel to build something new. Another might wallow, letting it define them as a victim. Same event, different lives. The difference lies in what they do with it—how they interpret it, what meaning they assign, and what actions they take.
It’s not just about adversity, either. Positive events—say, winning a prize or meeting someone influential—don’t automatically guarantee a flourishing life. If you coast on that high without effort, it fades into a footnote. But if you use it as a springboard, investing the winnings or nurturing the connection, it becomes a cornerstone. The gift doesn’t shape your future; your choices around it do.
This ties into a deeper truth about human nature: we’re storytellers. What happens to us is the raw plot, but we’re the authors. A betrayal could be the end of trust—or the beginning of wisdom. A failure could mark defeat—or spark grit. We don’t get to write the first draft of life’s script, but we edit it with every decision, reframing chaos into purpose.
Think of someone like Nelson Mandela. Decades in prison could’ve broken him, defined him as a man crushed by injustice. Instead, he used it—channeled the pain into resolve, emerging not just free but as a leader who reshaped a nation. The imprisonment happened to him, but he determined what his life became with it.
The quote also hints at accountability. It’s tempting to blame circumstances—poverty, bad luck, other people—for where we stand. And sure, those things matter; they can stack the deck. But the idea here is that even with a lousy hand, you still play the game. You don’t control the cards, but you decide how to bet. It’s not a denial of hardship—it’s a refusal to let hardship have the final say.
Expanded, it could read: “The events that crash into our lives, whether storms or sunshine, don’t hold the pen that writes our story. They’re the ink spills and highlights we’re handed, but it’s our hands that grip the pen, turning splatters into sentences and moments into meaning. What happens to us is the clay; how we mold it—or let it mold us—builds the shape of our days.”
Do read the Disclaimer