“People cling to their hates so stubbornly because they sense, once hate is gone, they will be forced to deal with pain.” – James Baldwin
You have a responsibility to heal yourself so that you don’t unintentionally harm others.
When you are hurt or encountered a traumatic event, it is natural to feel anger, bitterness, resentment, revenge etc,. In those moments it gives you strength and energy and it gives you the illusion that you are doing something about the event.
When you are in any negative state and low energy states you feel powerful because of the cortisol, adrenaline and noradrenaline flowing in our body. We get a feeling that we are using your energy to take some action. However you are just pushing the break and accelerator both at time which means you are overworking your body and mind resources by staying where you are. You are experiencing high volume of energy in body but would be disabled to do something rational to improve the situation. You brain likes low energy states because there is no energy spent but it is in the heightened state.
It is very difficult to let go off those negative emotions when you are hurt because you lose your energy if you stop overthinking. So these negative thoughts which raises our stress levels run automatically in a loop which gives us a temporary feeling of being in control. We get a fake feeling of planning and preparing to take some action.
Decisions and actions taken in low energy states would mostly result in unwanted consequences. Planning and preparation done in low energy states would lead to inefficient results which in turn lead of more resentment and disappointment. This turns into a self fulfilling prophecy where we convince yourself that you are victim of circumstances who is helpless and hopeless.
The only way to change the state of mind is to change the state of body. You can improve the mood and mental state by moving your body rigorously. Your mental state changes 100% of times when you move your body or exercise.
Loving and caring about someone or something is to risk being hurt and risk being not valued. It is highly possible that when you give and love selflessly you might be disappointed if it is not reciprocal.
*Do read the Disclaimer